


This is What he Knows

by SparkleDragons



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: I'm so sorry, Upsy is the Starblaster au, the others are there but minor, this was a mistake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2019-03-02 23:15:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13328478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SparkleDragons/pseuds/SparkleDragons
Summary: The Starblaster is a sentient being, it makes the bond engine run smoother. Rather unfortunate complication when wiping the memories of a family that lived on it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have no one to blame for this but myself

This is what he knows. He is a ship. A powerful ship built for traveling further than the farthest stars. He’s new and has no name and his mission is coming but not yet.

 

There is a gnome who spends a lot of time at his controls. The man talks to him sometimes, words of encouragement, questions when things go wrong, just absentminded mumbling. Sometimes he talks back, but not often. He doesn’t have much to say.

 

“What-ya do’n?”

 

The gnome’s ears flick up at the comment. He doesn’t look up from the panel he’s been fiddling with as he says, “I’m calibrating your thrusters to have a faster acceleration. I need to wire them into the bond engine differently.”

 

“Who’r yah?”

 

“I’m your captain. Name’s Davenport.”

 

“Don’t think I have a name.”

 

“You will soon. I promise.”

 

He stays quiet for a while after that.

 

~~~~~

 

He is the Starblaster and he will prove himself tomorrow. For now he can show off to the crowd asking the people he will pilot, the people who named him, questions.

 

“This ship, the Starblaster,” Davenport announces from the podium and the Starblaster gives a little hum of his bond engine in response, ignoring the murmurs of disapproval at his name. It’s his name and no one can take that from him. He’ll admit it’s clunky, though. Maybe a nickname? The rest of the crew has been calling his captain cap’n’port. That’s a nickname he thinks.

 

“You could call this a love boat if you really wanted too,” says Davenport. The Starblaster isn’t sure how he feels about that, “if you wanted to be extremely reductive.” That’s better.

 

The reporters start asking questions rapid fire after that. It’s hard for the Starblaster to keep track. Until he hears his name spoken in a more direct manor.

 

“Well you can ask the Starblaster yourself,” Davenport says, gesturing in his direction. “What do you say buddy? Think you can weather the trip?”

 

The Starblaster whirs his engines and says, “I got this! I can carry them all in my belly just fine.” He sees everyone, the crew especially, cringe away from that comment.

 

“Alright moving away from the Starblaster, please Gods,” he can hear Barry? say as he takes over the microphone.

 

“Actually I have another question about the Starblaster if you don’t mind,” a reporter calls out. “Evans Heartren, NewWinter Times. Uh-why make it sentient? I mean it is just a ship. What’s the point?”

 

Now the Starblaster thinks that’s a bit rude if he’s being honest. Why not make him more than just a ship? Being able to talk and think is fun. Plus Davenport seems to like talking to him.

 

“Good question,” Barry says, “It has to do with the bonds that power the ship. You see the bonds between sentient beings that have any sort of connection are much stronger than bonds between inanimate objects. The bonds are duplicated in a positive feed loop between the two creatures. We thought making the ship a sentient being in his own right would allow for stronger bonds powering it.”

 

Oh. Guess there is a reason. Doesn’t matter. If it helps the Starblaster do his job that much better why not. He’d show them how good he could be tomorrow.

 

~~~~~

 

He is the Starblaster and his world is gone. All that’s left are the seven people he flies through existence. The only seven people left. The seven people who gave him a name, who talk to him. The seven people who lovingly gave him the nickname Upsy. And he refuses to ever fail to get them out safely. Every cycle he will fly them through hell and out the other side. Every cycle he will avoid the hunger’s tendrils, trusting Davenport’s sure guidance.

 

This year is bad, though. Davenport is gone. So is everyone else. Everyone but Lucretia, the girl who likes to get his opinion on things and write it down, the girl who’s always following behind the others when they leave the hull, the girl who sits on the sidelines, is dead.

 

The cycle started with errors, a massive hull breach that forced Upsy to shut down to conserve power. When he woke up, Lucretia was fretting over his dashboard, begging him to wake up.

 

“Hey, Lucy. What’s got yah down? Need a friend to lift you up?”

 

Lucretia visibly perked up at the sound of his voice. The Starblaster could see her whipping tears as she said, “Oh thank the gods. I-I don’t know how to fly you. Everyone is gone. Everyone. I-I don’t…” Upsy could see her starting to break down again.

 

“Hey now. Now need to get down, that’s my least favorite. We can do this, Lucy.” Upsy gave a little whir of encouragement. “You fixed me up enough to power on. That’s a good first step.”

 

“Right. Right. I can do this. Where do I start? How well can you fly on your own?”

 

“I’ll guild you but you gotta put in the controls, yah goose.” Upsy took a look at one of his external cameras. If he had breath he would have just had to hold it. “And you’d better hurry. We got visitors.”

 

The Starblaster brought up the image of planet natives approaching the ship, all armed with a variety of magical artifacts and weapons. As powerful as Lucretia could be there was no way she’d win one on… at least ten.

 

Lucretia sucked in a deep breath and steeled herself. She set her hands on the wheel and said, “Tell me what to do.”

 

Now the year is almost over. It’s been hard but Lucretia really came into herself over the months. She watches the sky as it darkens, the hunger coalescing overhead like a great beast ready to strike. Fisher is also in the cockpit, a funny little creature Upsy has grown quite fond of over the year. They hum their encouragement as Lucretia grips the wheel.

 

“Up we go,” Lucretia says, and they’re off.

 

They’re streaking through the sky, her grip almost as sure as Davenport himself. The Starblaster’s engines are firing at maximum power, eager to leave this rotten world behind. Soon he’ll have Davenport back. Not that Lucretia isn’t great, but Davenport has always been Upsy’s favorite.

 

The tendrils of the hunger don’t bother to track the ship. The light is still on the planet. They get buy easy. Soon, everyone is alive and the cycle begins again.

 

~~~~~

 

Cycle 99 starts wonderfully. The light dropped practically into the crew’s laps. The plan they worked on went through. Things are good. Well, good from Upsy’s perspective. The crew seems down. The wars over the relics they made wearing on them. As far as the Starblaster’s concerned,  his mission is done. His crew is safe. What more could they want?

 

Lup disappears. That’s hard. Even Upsy’s best sensors can’t find her, regardless of how far he pushes them. Lucretia’s been spending more time in her quarters. Taako and Barry barely spend any time in him these days. They’re always out looking for Lup. Things are quite.

 

Davenport still finds time to talk to him at least once a day. His conversations have been more morose but he talks. Sometimes he asks the Starblaster what to do. He never has a good answer.

 

Today Davenport is late. Upsy’s been spending more time dormant than usual. Not much left for him to do but hover. His sensors tell him someone’s entered the control room and he powers back up. It’s not Davenport.

 

Lucretia’s fumbling with his controls, face tearstained. Her shoulders keep hitching, like she’s trying not to cry more.

 

“What’s got you down, Lucy?”

 

Lucretia looks terrified and stumbles away from his main panel. “Oh fuck,” She pulls at her hair and rubs her palms into her eyes. “I really hoped it would work on you too.”

 

Upsy responds with a light whirring noise. “What’r you talk’n about?”

 

“I’m so sorry, Upsy,” Lucretia says as she draws her wand and aims it at the base of the Starblaster’s main controls. The blast of arcane energy blows off one of the metal panels protecting his inner wiring.

 

“Lucy what’r you doing? You kids ok?” The last time Lucretia did repairs on him was in the cycle when she was alone. She knows his wiring but that’s usually a job left to Davenport.

 

“They’ll all be fine. We’re all gonna be fine. It’s only for a little while,” she mutters as she reaches through the tangles of cords for the ship’s more crucial coding. “I promise I’ll save your memory banks. I’ll find a place where you won’t get damaged.”

 

Lucretia’s fiddling with the Starblaster’s mainframe now. That’s concerning. Even Davenport rarely touched that.

 

“Lucy I’m just a ship but this is weird. Is the rest of the crew alright?” Upsy’s tone is getting more urgent as Lucretia pulls her wand again, pointing it directly at what he knows are his memory cores.

 

“I’m sorry,” Lucretia says one more time. His sensors go white and his systems shut down.

 

~~~~~

 

This is what he knows. He is an elevator, a mascot, Mister Upsy. He was made for children but the product testers were scared of him. He’s been left in to live in the lab of the man who made him. He doesn’t know if Lucas cares about him anymore.

 

He’s overheard conversations. The lab is turning into crystal. He’s in one of the few areas that hasn’t been infected yet. There are others in the lab. New people. Six strangers. Well… five now he supposes.

 

The elevator cables activate, lowering the main, not alive, elevator deep down into the base of the lab. Silence. Then the sound of fighting coming from what must be the medical bay. Upsy listens in as best as he can, although from a few floors up it’s hard to tell what’s actually happening. After a few minutes everything goes quiet again.

 

The cables rev up again, pulling the elevator back up to the bay. Upsy waits for the sound of the grate opening. It doesn’t come, only the sound of someone rattling the bars.

 

Now’s his time to shine! Upsy pulls himself into the elevator shaft, letting himself fall down to land on the other machine. His impact is met with a heavy crash, but it’s not enough. He lifts himself up again and smashes back down. Again and again and again until the other car is nothing but scrap metal.

 

As he falls into place where the other elevator once was he’s greeted by five faces, a human, dwarf, elf, orc, and… lizard… Weird. Upsy can feel something in his memory banks sparking when he looks at the dwarf, elf, and human but that’s probably it just glitching out again. Thing is always going on the fritz.

 

Time to do his job for once.

 

“Hey, kids! Did somebody need to go down?”

 

~~~~~

 

The story reach Upsy too and this is what he knows. He is a ship. A powerful ship built for traveling further than the farthest stars and he has been stuck in the shell of an elevator for nine years. The hunger is here and his crew is in trouble.

 

“Lucas!” he calls. The nervous scientist starts from where he was staring at the wall, absorbing the memories cast out by Fisher.

 

“Climb inside me, we gotta go save the kids.” Uspy opens his doors and revs the poor excuses for engines he still has.

 

“I-What?” Lucas starts, closing the hatch on the final touches to Uspy’s, mech arms.

 

“You took my control panel from the Starblaster. My crew needs their ship.” Uspy stares Lucas down, ready to take off without him if he declines.

 

Lucas stares at him for a moment. Upsy can see the fear behind his eyes of being discovered for another one of his crimes. 

 

“Y-yeah. Right. Ok.”

 

Lucas climbs in and they’re off.

 

Weaving through the tendrils of darkness is awkward between the lack of practice over the last near decade and the body not exactly made for dexterity, but they make it. Upsy lands heavily on the moon base and opens his doors for Lucas to exit.

 

There he is, or at least the empty Starblaster with no circuitry controlling it. Funny. He never had a chance to see himself from the outside. He’s not quite as big as he always thought he was.

 

Two members of the crew stand outside the open doors to the ship, along with an assorted collection of others he doesn’t know. Lup and Barry.

 

“What the ever loving FUCK is that thing, Lucas?” Lup says, her spectral form flaring. Barry looks near about to pass out.

 

“It’s me! Upsy your lifting friend!”

 

Barry goes slack jawed and glances between Upsy and Lucas a few times before looking back towards the ship.

“They’ve uh-they’ve been having trouble starting the Starblaster up. It won’t respond…”

 

“That’s cause Lucas took my mainframe out and put it in this, silly goose,” Upsy says. He retracts his new-found legs for Lucas to reach his central panels better.

 

“I uh-didn’t exactly ask for permission,” Lucas admits as he unbolts the protective metal hiding Upsy’s wiring. “Didn’t realize it would be important…”

 

“I’m sorry,” and Lup is laughing. “Are you telling me the Starblaster has been stuck as a fucking elevator abomination for the past ten years? Damn this whole thing is a mess.”

 

“It’s had it’s ups and downs,” Upsy says, tone unchanged.

 

Lup’s cackling increases, becoming more genuine than coping. “There he is! Fix ‘im, up Lucas.”

 

“I’m working on it,” Lucas says from where he’s snipping and reconnecting wires. “Ok you’re gonna have to power down for a moment so I can install your systems back into the ship.”

 

Upsy gives a little whirr and lets his systems start to shut off. The world goes dark.

 

~~~~~

 

Familiar systems spin back to life. Upsy feels more powerful than he has in a decade. As the Starblaster’s control room comes to life he is met with the cheers of his crew.

 

“Hey there, old friend,” a familiar voice says at the wheel. He can feel the sure hands of his captain. It’s good to be back.

 

“Hey, Dav. Ready to go?”

 

“Never more ready to fly in my life.”

 

And Upsy revs the engines he forgot he ever had and gets ready to save his crew one final time. As he streaks into the sky, the dark tendrils of hunger reaching towards him, he knows he trusts his captain completely. He waits, and waits, and waits as they approach and then a command.

 

“Alright, buddy. Dance for me.”

 

Time to fight back.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lup and Taako get drunk and give the starblaster a nickname

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to write this for a thing in the taz fic writers discord so i thought it was only fair to share it with the rest of the world. sorry. unedited because frankly i never want to read this again.

The Starblaster settles down as directed on the new world. Davenport has him nestle in a valley in a large mountain range. From the flybys, the Starblaster’s newly installed scanners showed a define absence of life outside of plant matter. It doesn’t mean there aren’t any intelligent creatures here, but Davenport wanted to start by landing somewhere more secluded.

“Starblaster, set flight systems to rest and base equipment to mode four,” Davenport commands from the helm. The rest of the crew are scattered across the rest of the ship and starting to work their way towards the top deck at the sign of the Starblaster setting down.

“Yes, Sir!” the Starblaster lilts, doing as asked and watching through cameras as the crew gathers near the gangplank.

Barry is the last one out, and grumbles something the Starblaster can’t quite make out as he shakes slime from his boots and gloves. It doesn’t do much to get it off the rest of his clothes.

“Engine trouble?” Lup asks once Barry’s in what the Starblaster is pretty sure is normal earshot.

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Barry grumbles and starts pulling off the overcoat he usually wears when he has to do repairs.

“Sorry! I had a bit of a tummy ache!” the Starblaster’s voice echoes over the deck and through the valley, loud as ever.

Lup, Magnus, and Merle start laughing at Barry’s glare shot in the Starblaster’s direction. Everyone else cringes.

“Alright,” Davenport shakes himself out. “Who’s staying behind this time?”

Taako immediately raises his hand and Lup follows close behind.

“I’m not getting taken out two years in a row on first retcon because we didn’t know what we were getting in to,” Taako says and crosses his arms to punctuate his point.

“I’m sticking with Taako for now,” Lup adds in. “Sorry, Cap.”

“That’s fine by me,” Davenport says and starts assigning jobs to the others. The Starblaster tended to tune out the planing stuff beyond who’s sticking with him. Not as if he ever went with them. He decides it’d be better to go into sleep mode. If they say his name he’ll reactivate automatically.

~~~~~

“Hey! Starblaster!” The Starblaster reactivates to Taako and Lup draped over the living quarters. He’s pretty sure they look bored. Frankly he’s not that good at judging organic emotions yet. Things are usually looking up from his perspective.

“Wha’ dah yah need, yah gooses!” The Starblaster focuses his cameras and does a quick scan of the twins to make sure it’s not a health problem they need him for. Aside from an increased blood alcohol content they seem fine.

“We’re giving you a nickname!” Lup says, throwing her hands up over her head. “Wanted you’re input.”

“Mmmmmmm,” the Starblaster hums. He of course knows what a nickname is but he never really considered getting one himself. That’s a thing for fully organic organisms. He only has a few organic parts.

“What sorta things do you like, Starblaster?” Taako’s lying on his back on the floor.  
“Well I like flying, children, uhhh… I like carrying you all in my tum tum!”

Lup and Taako both groan and lounged in silence for about a minute.

“What kind of flying do you like?” Comes Lup’s muffled voice. She’s rolled over on the floor so her face is in the shag carpet the crew had picked up a few years back.

“I like taking you kids from all the darkness! The world getting all wiggly is my favorite!”

“We can work with that,” Taako says. He’s lying on top of Lup. 

“W-wiggly?” Lup offers.

“No,” and Taako shoots it down. “Starblasty…”

“That’s practically the same thing, Taako.”

“Fair, fair.”

“Up…y?”

“Upsy?”

“I like that one!” The Starblaster adds in. “Up is my favorite!”

“You have a lot of favorites,” Lup says. She’s half-heartedly trying to push Taako off of her.

“Yup! You kids are my favorite too!”

“Aww thanks… Upsy!” Lup says, having given up on relocating Taako.

“I’ll love you forever!”

“Ok, ok. Let’s not get-“ Taako is cut off by the sound of the gangplank lowering out on deck. “Aw dunk they’re back.”

Lup shoves Taako firmly off of her, this time putting her strength into it. “Let’s go tell them the Starblaster’s new nickname.”

“Yeah. Sure,” Taako mumbles, slowly pushing himself to standing position. He follows Lup out on ever so slightly wobbly legs.

**Author's Note:**

> Want more? No? Too bad:
> 
> http://archiveofourown.org/chapters/30930081?show_comments=true&view_full_work=false#comment_146767731
> 
> Boomjob took to this idea way more than I did so have fun with that


End file.
